Over the last couple of weeks, I have felt like I am on a very slippery slope, going down hill at speeds I cannot control and no upward swing at the end of the valley in sight.
Do you ever feel like this?
Do not get too worried, as you will see most of my problem is circumstantial. Still, it is slippery!
Since the 15th of January, two of my boys, both in high school, had the flu. They missed more school than they have in years, with the exception of us taking them out for a couple of days for a family vacation which always surrounded a break from the school calendar. No break this time. Just the flu, in the middle of final exam week. Yuck.
I fell on New Year’s Eve, down the stairs inside our house. Nothing broken, except my pride and a sprained left palm/wrist that resolved within a day. Now, I have been fighting back pain that is either sciatica or bursitis, but no fun, in any case. I fell. I feel old. I also feel like I have a right to say I hurt. Please let me say this without telling me I am not as old as you! Of that I am aware, but I have a need to be heard, a need to say I hurt, and have that hurt recognized without having it diminished. I’ll be okay but right now, I hurt.
My husband finished his last day with one institution on a Sunday night shift and started with a new employer several hours later, on the following Monday morning (he thought he had a week in between and did, although, was needed for signatures which immediately made him a new employee). This week he’s been gone – out-of-state – for training. This week, I’ve been tried. So, has he. The flu or at least many flu-like symptoms caught up with him during his time away, so maybe I am not out of the woods, yet! Oh, how I hope I am!
I realized I have only a very short time left to enjoy my senior who is now in his very last semester of high school. He has asked that I teach him how to iron. I can and I will. Everyone needs to know how to iron a dress shirt and crease a pair of dress pants. I was pleased to be asked. I am proud of him. I do not think he knows how much. I am looking for ways to show him how I feel.
I am glad I made time for my friends this week while I’ve been on that figurative slippery slope. I am sure I would have ended up at the bottom, if it weren’t for them. Coffee with one, walking with another, a request for some custom jewelry from a third, and lunch with a fourth kept me out of complete winter doldrums while I was a single mom during the last six days. My friends know who they are, but I am not sure I thanked them all appropriately. I appreciate each of them, and all of our conversations. I know three of the four read my posts. I am grateful for that, as well.
My new graduate classes started and are disappointing. Three credits of redundancy and a credit of independent study with a non-existent syllabus await me. I seem to have lost a great deal of motivation. Redundancy steals it away, don’t you know?! I do. Searching for a quick drop/add has proved illusive; and today, I just plodded ahead – when I forced myself to – after first attending to laundry and cleaning the bathroom. It was procrastination at its finest!
It appears that no one is running for school board against the incumbents. At least, nothing has been announced publicly. And, while I profess to not understand that, on some level I must, because I made the decision to not run as well. Still, it is disappointing. I guess the old adage holds that if you want a job done right, you need to do it yourself. But, then again, I find myself in the minority on many related topics!
I am looking for a sign, a swing in the lay of the landscape that tells me to be more positive, to feel better, to have my motivation return, to “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” like Dory says. Soon enough, there will be an upturn in the landscape, upon which I can gain some traction. Maybe, just maybe, I can see it sitting low on the horizon today.