Why was I so nervous? I was here, finally! He was there, right in the other room, talking. Talking? But, who was he talking to? We were in the apartment alone. He was never in the habit of talking to himself, at least he wasn’t when I last saw him. That was over a year ago, so maybe he had developed a new habit. I know change does that to people, especially when they are far from home.
I lingered near the bathroom door before I washed up to see if I could make out any of his words. I am being ridiculous, I told myself. Calm down. Maybe he is just talking to a friend. Damn! I could not hear any of the words clearly. I thought I heard “she” and “leave”. Really? I just was not sure. I wish it had not been so long between our last visit and this one. I began to feel dizzy. It must be the jet lag. I know I am tired. I do not think straight when I have not had enough sleep. Still…..
I don’t know his friends anymore. As I said, it had been a year since we had been together. The letters had come regularly. I had planned this visit at his request. He wanted me to come here, all the way to Japan from New York, to see him. Still, who could he be talking to? I just arrived!
Oh, God! Japan! I am in Japan! It still amazed me to realize I had travelled by myself on a plane, flying for the first time, all the way to Japan to see my boyfriend. Love is strong. But, if I think too much I have to realize I am a little scared! Here I am, only 18, just finished with my first year in college. But, now he is on the phone with someone else. Who? What is going on?
I walked out of the bathroom, just as he hung up. Guilt. Was that guilt on his face?
“Who were you talking to?” I asked.
“No one” he responded, and looked away. “Let’s go to the canteen and get some dinner.”
Listen to Your Gut
“Okay”, I said, following him out of the apartment. I am tired, I thought. I have been traveling for almost 22 hours to get here from New York. Give this a chance. We have not been together in a very a long time. Still. I had a sense of something not being right. Was it intuition? A sixth sense? Deja vu? Or perhaps, dread?