What follows in a piece of free writing that I did two weekends ago after a Hike and Write workshop. I have not yet gotten to edit but thought I would publish what ten minutes of an uninterrupted stream of consciousness writing produced. I was happy with the results. Now, to fine-tune it. Tell me what you like best about this piece. Tell me what you don’t like at all. Thanks!
Stones
There you sit motionless, molded by time, water, and wind.
Silence surrounds you and adds to your immobility.
Multi-colored
grays,
browns,
pinks,
and yellows
sparkle in the sunlight on each surface jutting out of the ground.
Some smooth, some rough, all are cold to my hand as I reach out to feel their texture.
Hard, Solid, Immobile, Half buried in the earth beneath where you sit, forming a
man-made, irregular border around man-made objects –
a building,
a garden,
a path.
Urged by a thought I want to lift you from your
assigned spot in the border and categorize you
in order of another yet, arbitrary man-made set of features –
size,
smoothness
color,
shape.
Your silent beauty attracts my curiosity.
How long have you been here in this place?
Where were you before the spot in the border
became the place you live?
What’s hidden beneath you?
Worms?
Pill Bugs?
Stink Bugs?
Beatles?
Mold?
Lichen?
Decaying Leaves?
Cemented in place by the hand of man,
only to move again when he desires.
Stones –
Granite
Quartz
Shale
All beautiful, all unique.
All stuck in place unless they get a chance to once again be moved –
By Man,
By Woman,
By Wind,
By Rain,
By Chaos in our Environment.
Stones.
Still as you are, as only you can be.
The Apples in My Orchard 
I like the calm, reflective tone and your use of parallel structure. The listing of words creates good rhythm and movement.
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I like the poem of address, Carol, the voice of wondering. And I love the idea of the silence surrounding them adds to the immobility, interesting idea, as is that of man’s arbitrary features. All those questions of a single object create interest for the reader, too. Terrific that it came from ten minutes of “being”! I have one question that feels like a contradiction, but perhaps not. If they are cemented in place, how can all those things be underneath? I know deep down they can be, but it feels as if it would be more possible if it was a rock path without cement.
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Thanks, much! You’ve made a great point and I will certainly give it serious thought as I start to edit! Thanks for your thoughtful comments!
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Beautiful. I like how this free write meanders and how the poet addresses the rocks as beings that might have answers or thoughts on the subject of themselves. And, I love the idea of Chaos as a character…reminds me of the myths.
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Thank you! Your thoughts are important! Thanks for sharing them with me!
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I think your form, a list poem, works well to set the tone of slow methodically wonderings about motionless rocks. Take away lines: “Cemented in place by the hand of man, / only to move again when he desires.” That made gave me a different lens to use when thinking about the idiom “solid as a rock.” I’m thinking about Linda’s point about cement and things beneath the rock… Could it be that the rocks on the bottom layer of the wall aren’t set in a foundation? Perhaps they are placed on the ground and the cement is dabbed between them and the rocks place above them to help keep all in place. That’s what I envisioned as I read through your description.
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Thanks, Alice! You offered me some great insight to what readers might think! Much Appreciated!
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You should take some of these observations and make a poem for the TLD challenge!
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Thanks! What is the TLD challenge? Tell me more!
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Carol,
Glow Statement:
I like that you mindfully used 10 minutes to stay with your topic. Introducing immobility in the beginning set up the poem to focus on the stillness all around.
Grow Statement:
The introduction of Chaos makes me think: “Should there be another thought connected to it that disrupts the narrator’s reflective moments?
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Awesome way to give constructive comments! Thanks so much! It’s interesting that two different readers commented about chaos. I will definitely give your comment about chaos some consideration when I edit!
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First, I love the idea of hike and write! I enjoyed the combination of specific description (sparkle in the sunlight, jutting from the ground and the lists) and thoughtful reflection. I’m intrigued by the contrast of of the stone’s immobility with being moved for humanity’s whims.
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The idea for hike and write was a good one. I was very sad it was not better attended.
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Thanks for your kind words and comments!
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I love that you have captured the timelessness of stones. Why should they pay us any mind when we are nothing more than a moment in their life cycle?
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Ha! Your statement is so true, so true! I’ll have to remember it when I edit! Is that okay? 🙂
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