Yesterday, I felt prickly. Today, I was hoping to feel shiny, but instead I feel jumbled. There are many thoughts swirling in my head, some of which I can write about and some, well, I just can’t. I need to make some decisions based on what is good (or better) for me and that is always difficult because I tend to put other people and their needs first.
It takes me back to the time, at my first job, when I played softball on a work team. I was a NICU nurse, fresh out of college, and not an athlete. But, one way to get to know people is to get involved. So, when I was asked to join the unit’s softball team, I agreed. Then, came the dreading about practices and games. And, also the embarrassment about missed balls in the outfield I couldn’t catch or even throw back to a base. I stunk. But, no one complained. They seemed happy to have me. The bottom line was that I, myself, was uncomfortable with what I had chosen to do. I didn’t stay at the job more than 10 months because I moved to be with my soon to be husband after we were engaged, but playing softball on a team was not something I’ve ever agreed to again! I was on my way to learning that you need to be comfortable with the choices you make.
I’m feeling a little bit of that this week. My hair is going gray and this spring I decided to not color it anymore. I’m not sure I’m happy with the decision. I’m 56 years old, and admittedly can still turn some heads. I’ve noticed that I don’t have the same attraction or satisfaction with my appearance since my gray experience has started. I don’t feel old, just experienced, so I am reconsidering my decision about going gray.
There are other things right now that I am reconsidering. One is my desire to make fabric masks. It’s been satisfying for me to do this until recently. I’ve sold 40 or so on Etsy, given many (250+) to my local community, friends, and family. And, sold more some other friends. All told, I’ve probably made close to 400 masks. But, I think I need to take a break from this. Next week, I plan to have a mask “sale” and then give another batch to our local community college. Then, I’ll take a break from the mask making for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud of the masks I’ve made. My immediate family, all males, have been extremely appreciative of my work. But, sometimes, expectations are left unfulfilled in the results. Another part of this is that there are other projects that I’d like to get to that might be more personally satisfying for me. The time I was using making masks can be put towards completing those other projects. Yes, a break is needed. I’ll take it.
This morning I took an early morning walk in our yard. It is a plethora of pink right now. There are pink zinnias, pink sedum, pink petunias, and pink asters. To me, it is very beautiful. I took photos of most of my pink plants to help me store this cheery color and the beauty of my yard. Like Fredrick the Mouse, I’ll use the color as inspiration on days like this when my thoughts are jumbled.
I think in writing today’s blog for Slice of Life Tuesday, I was able to think through some of my recent decisions and whether they’re a good fit for me or not. Thank to to TwoWritingTeachers.org for allowing those of us to love to write and post to a forum for positive feedback and support! And, know this: I’m still hoping for a shiny day tomorrow!