Pressing Reset

We have been home from our trip to Western New York for almost a week now. It’s been a busy week, seeing friends for couple of meals (breakfast and dinner), walking with friends on two separate days, visiting over coffee in our kitchen with a former co-worker of my husband whose daughter watered our plants, and undertaking the resumption of household chores and gardening.

But, I’m off. Insomnia returned last night and all I could think of was that I need to press the reset button. We have an obligation tonight, so pressing that button might have to wait until tomorrow. But, press it, I will, because I have to.

Personally, I’m behind by several weeks on self-assigned tasks meant to further my writing. This is not good. I wanted to have a manuscript finished and sent to an editor before the end of summer. I’ll have to double my efforts to have that happen now.

I also have to finish reading some self publishing material I downloaded. It’s been on my to-do list for a week and not touched.

In addition, I wanted to make another phenology movie about the changes one can observe going from spring to summer. I got as far as downloading new software to do that but nothing else has happened.

Personally, I did get my tiny vegetable garden weeded. But, I bought more flowers and need to get them in the ground. My front bird bath broke and every store my husband checked is out of stock! In addition, I’ve been scouring milkweed for caterpillars and none have been found. It has been my summer hobby to raise a few each year and now that seems unlikely, too, unless things pick up.

We are trying to clean out and I planned a trip to Goodwill once a week, as well as taking some things to consignment each week but missed those drop offs for this week as well – even though I do have “stuff” ready to go.

I finished the novel I was currently reading, The Orphan House by Ann Bennett, and haven’t started another. Not reading is a sure sign that I’m “off” my usual game.

In essence, I’m having a time management problem. But, it’s not caused by a lack of time – for the most part. It’s caused by being out of routine, by doing things to satisfy others rather than myself, and by socializing without contributing to the conversation. I obviously have things to contribute but don’t. I wonder about my reasons for that choice. My writing occupies a lot of my time but is rarely talked about with anyone other than my husband and a close friend who also blogs. Is it because I am “just a blogger” and not an “author?” Probably not. It’s just because I don’t readily share and most people don’t ask. It’s a world that most people cannot relate to being in so they don’t think of asking about it.

My boys are all doing well and not a subject of conversation, in general. For this, I am grateful. I think I just need to revert to my everyday self-directed activities that give me joy. Besides my husband, no one else cares what I do with my time. And, really, should they?! Probably not.

I did get my summer Writer’s Circle schedule and registration set up, so that was a nice accomplishment this week – among not so many more.

I hope this period of being off ends soon. I don’t like how it feels and want to get on with being productive – both in my writing, and in other tasks I set out for myself. In essence, I want to feel good about who I am and what I do. Even if I don’t share these things, they are important to me. And, if there is interest, I am glad to share.

Yup, I’ll press the reset button as soon as I can – maybe, even today!