This week has been stressful once again. We’ve been in New York since last Thursday the 14th. My Dad was admitted to the hospital on the 13th after seeing his oncology doctor in her office. My sister was with him and drove him to the ER. By nine that night, he had a hospital bed on a medical hospital floor.
Within an hour after arriving on Thursday (we drove 930 miles from Wisconsin), my sister left to return to her home in Buffalo, about 1.5 hours away. We didn’t see her again until Sunday when she came in to watch the Buffalo Bills Football game with my dad in his room.
Monday, he was discharged late in the day.
If you want to learn more about the challenges we faced during his hospitalization, you can read my Medium article through a friend link: https://medium.com/nursing-notes/observations-from-the-world-of-nursing-in-2024-4f467f0d3dcb?sk=bffa39b04be491b19bd042fcfbf6747d
I am incredibly thankful for my husband, who is here with me, helping to take care of my dad. He’s been my rock. Unfortunately, he is also the only person I can really vent to right now. I’ve tried to keep our sons updated and they’ve been supportive. Our middle son, Matt, who is 25 years old, is coming in to stay with us for Thanksgiving. The last he saw his grandfather was in 2018 when my parents made their way to Wisconsin for his high school graduation.
In general, my reactions have been measured and calm. It is how I normally go through life, for the most part. I can be emotional and react with emotion but in cases of declining health, as previously experienced during my mom’s decline and death, I am calm in these situations.
My emotionally charged responses have been limited to student support for their educational needs and bucking against micromanagers in the work setting.
I’m organized, intelligent, self-directed, and creative. If I have a job to do, I do it to the best of my ability; this includes taking care of my family members. Communication is key to all and I try to do it well. But, I am trying to balance all that with the need to stay in the loop, keep others informed, meet the needs of others, and remain mentally healthy myself.
Yesterday, I crumbled. For the first time in a long time, I heard my voice tremble as I told my husband I was overwhelmed. It is not being overwhelmed with my dad’s needs or declining health. It is being overwhelmed with the communication or lack thereof and family dynamics.
Do I feel my sister should have been here more for my dad’s hospitalization and return home? Yes, absolutely. Instead, she’s giving me instructions from afar and the two times she’s come in during the last week it’s been for 4-8 hours and did not stay overnight.
She comes in like a whirling dervish, bearing gifts, and taking over the management of his care. It’s disturbing and makes me feel like my efforts are insignificant and unappreciated. Truly, I believe that we just have different styles of showing our love, as Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, suggests. I am working on another article discussing what those styles are.
I feel free to write this as she does not read my blogs.
How have I been coping?
I realized once my voice started to crack and I couldn’t help ranting yesterday that I needed to cope better. So, what have I been doing to cope?
Shopping
One of my favorite things to do while in Western NY is to grocery shop at Wegmans Food Markets. I grew up with Wegmans being born in the home city of this chain. They have a wide selection of food and I love going there. I reactivated my shopper’s club, so I’m even saving some money on my purchases. I never mind going to Wegmans.
Yesterday, I visited an independent bookstore in Brockport, New York, too. There are no independent bookstores within an hour of my home in Wisconsin, so being able to visit one – a great one – as it turns out – was a pleasure.
I bought three books. One was a science fiction thriller for my husband and I bought a book of poetry. It is an anthology written by young Buffalonians – a city where my husband and I lived for ten years. I started reading it last night. So, far I’ve not been able to relate to it, but that could be a result of my scattered mental state as well. The third book was an Anthony Horowitz thriller called Magpie Murders which I got in their used book section for $1.99.
One thing the poetry book did was inspire me to write and collect poems and/or prose from my youth in the Rochester – Buffalo area. Experiences I thought would be in the book, were not found, so why not work on compiling them?
I’ve done some clothes shopping and Christmas shopping as well. But none of my outings have been more than two and a half hours. So, don’t think I’m out on the town, ignoring my dad. I’m sitting with him in his TV room for hours on end and so is my husband.
Adding to our angst is our near-constant exposure to FOX News, which is extremely hard to take. We do not appreciate their brainwashing-biased approach to providing news and augmenting the existing divide in this country. The media as a whole is responsible for much of the divergent views in the US – they want to divide us. Before coming, we were limiting our exposure to any news but here it has been difficult.
The need for sound-dampening earbuds is essential. We didn’t start wearing them until yesterday, but eight days of listening to these obnoxious one-sided reporters, even taking turns, was not providing any relief. Both my husband and I are now wearing them in the TV room.
By nighttime, we search for something else to watch. Mostly it’s been sports – as my dad is an avid fan of most. Last night we spent time hooking up AmazonPrime to be able to watch Thursday night football..
Italian
I’ve returned to my Italian lessons on Babbel. Maybe by the time we visit Italy, I’ll be able to converse a little. I was pleased to remember as much as I have after not using the app for a year and a half.
Sewing
I’ve been sewing felt Christmas ornaments for our boys. This year I picked a snowflake pattern to make. I started this two years ago. It’s fun and something for them to add to their collection of ornaments from their childhood.
Writing
Unfortunately, due to mental stress and the busyness of a new kind, as I take care of my dad, my writing is suffering. I have been able to post a few pieces but my engagement with Medium.com is down significantly. Engagement drives the Medium site and I am considering other avenues that might still bring me some small amount of writing income but require less engagement. I’m just not being “read” like I was used to.
I think a lot of that has to do with the type of articles I write – and those, I refuse to write as well.
Poetry remains in my heart and I’m trying to release some of it.
Here’s an old poem that came up this week as I shared my the color poem I wrote with Writer’s Circle Students some years ago. The color poem can be found here at this friend link: https://medium.com/in-living-color/orangelo-the-absolute-worst-baby-name-dc45700fe565?sk=fb6d4db2bde8de7c705497aa3b7e7bbf
A Medium.com friend link means it is free for all to read.
I wrote another Orange poem for the Wong and Vardell Things We Eat book (for pre-school age) that didn’t make the cut. Still, I like how it turned out and for lack of having a new piece, I’ll share this.
Orange
Carefully, my mom hands me an orange
I take it gently as if it might break.
Round and vibrant but firm to the touch,
It’s the smell that I notice most.
A sweet, summer-like perfume
Stays on my hand after I put it in the cart.
I keep smelling it. It makes me hungry.
Soon, I’ll be home to eat the juicy orange fruit.
© Carol Labuzzetta
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Dear Poetry Friends. I am grateful for all of you and the community we have.
The round-up this week is being hosted by Ruth on her blog, There is No Such Thing As A God Forsaken Town. Thanks for hosting, Ruth.
The Apples in My Orchard 
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