A Little Chaos Leads to Self Examination.

Let me preface what I am going to write today with the fact that it has been one heck of a long week! By Monday night, I was ill with some germ my husband brought home from working all weekend at the local hospital. He had gotten ill on Friday night but because we have a strong work ethic, continued to work all weekend. Unlike many, he really does not have a choice whether to show up for work or not, even when he is sick. Honestly, I do not know how he did it. This germ was virulent! I bravely made the decision to cancel not only a writer’s circle group I have once a week but also my garden club meeting at our local elementary school. I have run the group for 12 years and it is the first time I have ever cancelled a meeting! I am glad I did!  Tuesday through Thursday were spent sleeping and hacking. My energy level was at an all time low. Tuesday night, we were called somewhat emergently by my sister in-law that my mother-in-law had suffered a stroke. By Wednesday, still somewhat ill but recovering, my husband flew back to where he had grown up, a mere 800 miles away, to help his sister with keeping his mom comfortable whilst she hovered between this world and the next. In the meantime, there were quite windy conditions here – and there – causing travel concerns (Who likes to fly or have a loved one fly when its windy?) as well as, closed roads and electrical outages. Somewhere in there, truly it is a blur by now, my parents called to tell me they had lost power in the storms and it was not expected back any time soon. At the time of the phone call, they were electing to stay in a cold house, cancelling an impromptu and previously unknown road trip due to house damage.  They are also 800 miles away. My sister and I both felt they needed to seek a warm place to stay and encouraged them to travel to her house, 70 miles away.  But, some of the roads were still closed. My husband, who has been dutifully calling and texting me with updates on his mother, reported that his bag had been lost by the airline! That was Wednesday. There is no sign of the bag, yet. It is Friday.

Luckily, my three sons were all going about their business of school, sports, meetings and life without becoming ill or tiring of my lack of motivation to cook a meal at dinnertime.

Finally, by last night, the chaos began to slow. My cold was lifting. I could feel it. My husband was safely in his city of birth helping his sister who has graciously borne almost the entire burden of caring for their elderly parents by herself. I was glad he was there. My parents agreed to travel to my sister’s this morning due to a verbal agreement that if the power  was not back on, they would acquiesce and come to stay at her house. They also arrived safely.

Now that I feel like I am feisty again, I am starting to wonder about why I do what I do?  Why am I running these enrichment groups? Why have I done it so long?  I am not sure why I keep fighting to be a part of something where maybe I do not belong, and only a very few, yet very loyal people, appreciate.  I know this sounds like I am talking in code. I am not. It is just food for my own thought that will eventually assemble into another post.