Transitional Angst

After a very nice and relaxing weekend, I woke up mad at the world this morning!  Difficulty sleeping led to this state of mind and emotion.  It is a time of transition, which always causes me difficulty.  Not only do I question myself, but everyone around me.  Intensity is not a side of my personality of which I am proud.  Still, it exists and rears its ugly head at times like these.

We in the midst of planning some changes to the exterior of our house and it requires a lot of decision-making. For many reasons, I am not good at those types of decisions. Siding color, accent & trim all need to be chosen. Over the last couple of weeks, we have driven through neighborhoods, visited show rooms, and brought “chips” home to sample the colors in our own environs. Our driveway also needs replacing up near the house. The concrete has heaved and shifted, creating unsafe ledges and unsightly cracks.  There lies another decision, concrete or black top. UGH! Too much!

Of course, there are constraints to consider. Budget, color of the roof (which is not being replaced), timing of the order and finishing of the work. Truth be told, this is a “project” of my husband’s for the summer. He will provide the labor for the siding replacement.  That is both good and bad.  Luckily, he has no desire or skill to do the masonry or blacktop work on the driveway.

My biggest problem is two-fold. I am color-sensitive, being affected by tonal variations, degree of matching, and finished appearance. Secondly, this is all for a house that I really don’t care for the exterior “look”.  It is a ranch – our third house, someone else’s design and build, now a mere ten years old.  Our youngest has three years left in high school after this year, so for now, this is our home.   It is probably not our last house, but hopefully, our last ranch.

Now, in the coffee shop, where I took to for an escape, I am feeling less disrupted and anxious. After all, the bid for the black top was accepted and the siding order has been placed. But, I know there are more decisions down the road, and months of more color related questions.  Hopefully, as the project gets underway, I will feel better about it and the decisions that came with the renovations.


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