Slice of Life Tuesday: Lost: A Level of Confidence.

Lately, I have been suffering from a lack of confidence. Yes, this week has been better than last.  Still, overall, I feel every little knick that chips away at my confidence. It is not related to only one area of my life, but filters across many.  Admittedly, I have not felt this unsure of myself in a long, long time.

So, I ask myself, what is causing this?  It is a new job? Maybe. Is it another of life’s transitions? Maybe. Is it being a “new” employee in mid-life? Maybe. Are my kids thinking that I don’t know anything at all? Maybe. Someday, I hope they realize I did know something.  Is it that I am “pickable or easily teased?” Maybe. Is it that I am a perfectionist and any error I make appears larger than life? Yes, I know that’s the case in many instances.

While I am trying not to be supersensitive to comments, critiques, or being laughed at, these actions are still hitting me where it hurts – my heart and my head.   So, I am trying to remind myself of my station in life and how I got here.  Undoubtedly, I’ve done well, and collected useful, as well as some rare, life experience.  Hopefully, this self-reminder will restore a certain level of my lost confidence.

• I am an educated woman, lucky enough to have gone to college for three different degrees from three different universities. Two are Master’s degrees in different disciplines. While education isn’t everything, it is something, and I value mine.
• I have lived in four states. That gives me a wide berth of experiences with different customs, dialect, culture, and history. I value the diversity that I have experienced.
• Being a mother has been my greatest gift and my sons are my greatest achievement. The fact they are all talented individuals who work hard as well as being modest, humble, and independent is a source of great pride. They will be my legacy.
• Raised in the ’60s and ’70s, I still connect with being a “flower child” – running in the field behind our house, playing in the creek, fishing, riding my bike for hours, and catching lightning bugs in jars every summer still brings me joy, just to think of it. And, cut grass still makes me sneeze, even though I enjoy the smell!
• I am a writer, not yet an author, except for my blog, but I hope to be published someday.  I’ve been told I write well. No, my writing is not perfect. Does anyone write perfectly?  I expect not. I know I do not like to be criticized for what I’ve written. Maybe, that fact makes me an unacceptable candidate for publication. If the advice is coming from someone I expect has better skill than I, then I am okay with the constructive criticism. But, if comments are made just to bring me down or show me up, I am not okay with that. Would you be? Again, I expect not.
• Traveling has also given me confidence.  I’ve been to Japan, The Netherlands, Mexico, Canada, and Bermuda as well as many states – although I’ve never counted.  Coming home is always one of the best parts.
• My word means something. I am honest to a fault and wear my heart on my sleeve. I take life seriously but am trying to remember to have fun along the way.
• I am blessed with a small group of very good friends. Their support and friendship mean everything to me. They take me for who I am, without reservation. Thank you!
• I’ve been an elementary school substitute and taught nursing students through the graduate level (MS) of college at two different institutions. Teaching is satisfying yet hard work.
• Although I do not feel like it right now, I know have been a leader. If I am not now, I will be again.

Leaders have confidence, moms have confidence, teachers have confidence, nurses have confidence, and authors have confidence. But, right now I just have some chips that surround me on the floor that represent the little pieces of the confidence I’ve recently lost.  Slowly, I am replacing them, one by one and as I do my confidence is restored.