It’s Easter Sunday, April 12th 2020. We’ve been relegated to our homes for schooling since March 16th. The Governor of Wisconsin, Tony Evers, proclaimed a Safer at Home Order on March 23rd, to last at least until April 26th of 2020. Did I mention it’s April 12th? It’s been a month and we still have some time to go.
This weekend, my family started to show signs of having had enough. We’ve hit the proverbial wall so to speak. I got off social media last Thursday. I had to. I’ve had enough. There is a lot of “fakeness” going on out there. Fake statements about missing school from kids who all they did was complain about it before. The fake drama about missing prom, graduation, and spring sports. Parades of people waving to athletes in cars to “say good-bye” and made-up motivational or celebratory posts for students who did not even play the spring sport for which they are being celebrated. Fake volunteering and then begging for help doing the volunteering. I had to get off social media. I cannot stand insincerity – a.k.a. – fakeness.
This is not to mention the sprinkling of sincere but still annoying posts such as those from one of the track coaches that arrives every morning between 7 and 8 a.m.. It contains a motivational quote and some advice about being part of “the team.” Ugh – coach – there is no team, not this spring anyway. I guess no one sent him the message.
Our twenty-year-old has taken a year off from college this year. He’s been our only family member getting regular exposure to the Coronavirus because he works at a convenience store that has been deemed essential. Yesterday, he seemed down. When I asked what was going on, he replied that he was tired of being stuck in the house. Aren’t we all?!
But, he then furthered his point by stating that the only thing he had been doing besides working before the virus hit was going to the gym. Now, he hasn’t even been able to do that for the last three weeks.
Yeah, staying at home is getting old. I saw his point.
Time, for me, has been spent making fabric masks, only to be annoyed that people were not wearing them when in public. Well, I have not been out much – two times with a mask on to be exact. All I know is that I will continue to wear them.
I have lots of hobbies that should be keeping me busy. I make jewelry, write this blog and another, read, start plants, cook, and bake on top of “normal” household chores. Yet, I am unmotivated to do any of them.
I’ve turned to a few friends for support as I deal with all these feelings. I am so thankful to them – for listening, for letting me complete a sentence, for returning a text, and for making gentle suggestions. COVID-19 is not healthy for anyone, let alone a worrier! I suspect that there will be an uptick in mental illness before this is over. Reach out to those you love and tell them you care! Please! Listen to their concerns and put them above your own.
Is it any wonder my insomnia has returned? And I’m just a wife and mom at home with her husband and sons. Imagine healthcare workers, if you will, fighting this thing in the hospitals. We truly have no right to complain.
It’s supposed to be a happy, joyous time for our youngest son as he is finishing high school. What a weird and unexpected way to finish!
He actually seems to be doing better than any of us right now. He has enjoyed having the last two weeks without online classes. He focused on his art and is making money by doing commissioned portraits. But, he’ll have to get back in the swing of things tomorrow morning when classes start again.
Do you realize, though, we cannot plan for his graduation ceremony or party due to uncertainty about when the stay at home order will cease? I hope there’s some kind celebratory “bang” when the time comes! He would have preferred to have had a track season – he ranked second in the State last year for the 200m dash – rather than the daily inspirational quote from the coach.
Our son sees the truth – there will not be a season this year. His graduation trip to England will not happen. And, when asked if he could go visit a friend yesterday. Of course, the answer was no, we’re not doing that right now. Luckily, he understood.
Our oldest son came home four weeks ago. He’s in his third year of graduate school at a university in a nearby state. It’s the longest he’s been home since he left for college, seven years ago. We love having him home. However, we know this is temporary. He was going to go back this weekend but that plan has been scrubbed due to evolving factors all based on timing AND the reality of the virus. Campus life will not be “normal.” He’s staying with us for now. Luckily, his classes and research position are all able to be conducted remotely. In addition, a trip to Italy for six weeks this summer is on hold.
A new blogging friend of mine said it well – we are all grieving. We are grieving for a loss of normalcy. And potentially grieving for an uncertain future.
I am writing this today to document my feelings. I will not publish this post pubically now. It contains too many personal feelings and honesty about how things have been handled in our community. I also wanted to say what I cannot seem to say in person – things are not always alright. And, it is okay to feel that way. But, having someone listen – really listen – without interruption and without judgment is so important. I don’t know why I always say, “I’m okay or we’re okay” when I/we really aren’t. But I say it. And q it would be nice if I could be honest about how I truly feel. The Safer at Home Order has affected everyone – I know it’s affected me, if not physically, it has emotionally.
Take Care. I do love you all.
This post has not been altered with the except of spacing and grammar since it was written three years ago.
Many things continued to change and evolve during the time we were all affected by COVID-19.
The Apples in My Orchard 