TBT: Checking & Reliance

Yesterday, I did something I’ve not done in quite a while. I had a morning coffee date with a friend, socially distanced, of course. When I left the house to meet her and got into my car, I wasn’t sure I had locked the door. Since I was the only one home at the time, I got out of the car to check to check and make sure I had turned the lock. I had.

Done.

But, it got me thinking, almost immediately, about why I felt the need to check the door. This was a habit I had when I lived alone (over 35 years ago) or when I found myself living in a new place.

But, why now?

I think that part of it is that I’ve begun to rely on others to keep me safe. Lock the door, close the garage door, close the windows on the main floor, and, lock the sliding glass doors. This is a list things that are repeated in our daily lives over and over. They are also tasks we teach our children.

Another part of why I checked was because I was the only one home. I could not rely on anyone else to lock the door if I had forgot. This was probably the biggest reason I checked.

This action, checking to see if something was done, made me feel more secure, even though I knew I probably had completed the task when I left the house. Some actions become so automatic, you need to ask yourself if you actually did what you thought you did. I’m not so sure that is a good thing. To me, it indicates that I am spread too thin mentally when I have to check to see if I did something I normally do without thinking. My mind did not register the task. So, I checked.

Could it be a senior moment? I also considered this. I’m over 55 but not close to 60. Still, we all have times that we forget. It is possible that I just forgot. But, then I checked, and hadn’t forgotten.

The door was locked.

I didn’t sleep well the night before. This is a a problem for me. If you follow me, you know I’ve written about insomnia many times before. When I don’t sleep well, I don’t function well. I feel “fuzzy” in the head and do not process well. My emotions, including anxiety, are close to the surface when sleep deprived. We already know that I didn’t process locking the door in the first place. So, I checked.

By now you might be wondering, so what is her point? I’m really not sure I have one other than a past “habit” snuck up on me again and I wondered why. Do you have any habits that sneak up and surprise you? Let me know in the comments!

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