Poetry Friday: The Rut

I thought about not posting today. But, when I considered this, I thought about how hard I’ve worked over the last one and a half years to network with fellow Poetry Friday participants. They have grown to be an important source of support and opportunity for me. Therefore, I knew I had to come up with something to post.

This week has been odd. My husband’s been sick – he’s almost never sick and when he is, it’s only for a day or two. But, Friday is here and he’s still not back to normal. His illness started on Sunday. Even so, we got two days of work done on our new driveway, installing erosion cloth. There’s more to be laid, but that will get done as soon as the weather cooperates.

Don’t you know? Winter has arrived in the upper mid-west! The change in weather prompted this little ditty from my view this morning.

White snow fades into green grass
Soon a blanket forms
Turning Fall into Winter

© Draft, Carol Labuzzetta, 2021

Other changes this week have been draining. My mom, who was recently hospitalized and spent time in both a transitional care unit and long term care facitlity is now home again with my Dad. While one would think this was cause for celebration, it brings a whole host of new worries, and there have been transitional issues already.  They are 84 and 85.  September 11th - November 11th have been eight weeks of daily heavy emotional drainage. Ruts form when there isn't good drainage. 

We've been home exactly two weeks from our National Parks trip, which was outstanding, but also tiring. We were very active hiking each day 6-10 miles. The normalcy to our routine has not returned yet. The reasons for this are partially due to the events I've described above.

Some of you know that I've been working on a chap book of poetry on the theme of color. I submitted to one chap book contest and was not successful in being selected. I am now working on self-publishing the collection. I've had both alpha and beta readers, one of which is a Poetry Friday contributor - Densie Krebs. Denise was fabulous both in her support of my work and sincere suggestions to make it even better! I feel indebted to her!  I appreciate the feedback on these poems from all who have read them. Over the last few months, I worked to incorporate their suggestions. I feel that they are ready to be seen by interested readers and I think due to the subject matter, self-publishing is the way to go.

I worked on the chap book this summer, performing both editing and formating, as well as looking into the world of indie publishing. There is a lot to learn but I tried to seek out sources from whom I could acquire what I needed to know. The Anthologies 201 course offered by Janet Wong and Sylvia Vardell of Pomelo Books was extremely helpful with extending my knowledge. I am very grateful to them for their generosity.

The last thing that occured this week is that I was able to share the poetry book, THINGS WE DO, with my mom. But, I had to ask for a response from her with regards to my poem, INVENT, or even her thoughts about receiving the book, in general.  I cannot tell you how disappointing this was for me. I know she is not "in her right mind" anymore, but there was failure to acknowledge my hard work and persistence in getting one of my poems published. This was a bond between us, or so I thought, for many years. It is no longer there; I am so sad to say.

I know now that I need to write only for myself, not to impress my mom or tout my own value. Writing is a creative outlet for me and I intend to continue to pursue it for my own pleasure, and hopefully, the pleasure of my readers. I thank them, and all of you, for the continued support.

As a rut formed in our driveway this summer, we regrouped, reassigned, and pressed onward. I will get out of my own rut, too. I know I will. It just takes time. And, it will help once the traveled ground freezes. 
Wisconsin in the Fall. © Carol Labuzzetta, 2021

Today is Poetry Friday. Our host this week is Matt Forrest Esenwine at Radio, Rhythm, and Rhyme. Thanks for hosting Matt! Please stop by his page to leave your link or just read some great poetry!

17 thoughts

  1. So sorry to hear about your folks, Carol – my mom and were together in a nursing home (mom passed away last year) but her mind began failing towards the end and couldn’t fully comprehend what I was doing. It was sad, not because I needed an y validation, but because she & dad were the reasons I learned to enjoy words and writing, and I wanted her to know what she had accomplished. But we have to meet people where they are, so to speak, and make the most of the time we have left. Hang in there, and best wishes.

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    1. Matt, Thank you for your empathy regarding my situation. We have similar experiences in how our parents influenced our lover for words and writing. Since I’ve changed career paths over my life, it is hard for my parents to really know who I am now. Going from a nurse to an enviromental educator must seem odd to many, including them. They knew me as a young and capable nurse who worked at prestigious institutions. They value that person – but, alas – I am no longer she and haven’t been for a long, long time. That is where the need for validation come in to my story. Similarly to you, I wanted me mom to know I had finally accomplished something I had both worked for and longed for – something I thought she’d aprreciate. I am trying to remember to give her (and my Dad) Grace and not dwell on this disappointment. In truth, I almost expected their reaction to be what it was. Thank you so much for your kind words of understand and encouragement!

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  2. Carol, I am traveling this weekend home to visit my parents, 85 and 88. I’ve had to come to the realization that they are not interested in supporting my writing journey. I think their focus has narrowed greatly since they moved into a retirement home. It is sad, but true, and OK. I’m glad you are finding support with your writing. Prayers for healing of your husband and your parents.

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    1. I hope your weekend was fulfilling and pleasant while you visited your parents, Margaret. I think this experience made me accept that I have to let the support of my parents go. A narrowed focus (or small bubble) as my sister calls it. I have others (like you) who understands and supports the writing life. Thanks!

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  3. Carol, what a great post. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I am glad to see you making the decision to write for yourself. An important first priority. Others will also enjoy.

    I love the look of green grass and snow meeting. We sometimes used to see that in the spring too. “Turning Fall into Winter” indeed.

    Thank you for the nice shoutout in your post. It was a joy to read your poems. All the best with your color chapbook.

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  4. Ahhhhh, Carol. Take heart. You have lots of fires you are tending to. I’m so glad you are a writer and can collect your thoughts on a page or screen. It’s a lot of different layers going on for you right now. Hooray for a chapbook! I worked on that as well this summer. And….there it sits in my computer files. Hooray to you for submitting! I love your photo of Wisconsin. What a beautiful scene. I’m wishing you some quiet…peace and some lovely time to just write words…one word after another and another and then some more. I’m so glad you chose to post today.

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  5. Dear Carol, Poetry Friday is a blessing to us all, isn’t it? I’m sorry to hear of your hard time these recent weeks. Our expectations sometimes do not happen the way we wish, but in another part of your life, I imagine your dear mother would be so proud of you, your creative spark & then accomplishments. Best wishes for that chapbook journey and filling up the ruts!

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