I’m not in the mood to write today. Yesterday, I felt good, as though I was getting over the virus. Today, not so much. I slept almost 12 hours last night. Although I did that occasionally in my youth, I have not slept that length of time in a very long while. I must have needed it. Sleep is important to health and healing, and to my mental functioning so I am very aware of my sleep needs – probably more than most people.
Everything feels flat right now. The landscape is brown with the snowy white receding to a muddy mirage waiting for some green to sneak in and brighten the view.
I’m going from task to task without an organized plan, cleaning this cupboard or that, lifting a marked box to the high shelf where it will wait for a garage sale day, pitching the unnecessary things I’ve collected over the years. It is unlike me. I’m usually highly organized and full of energy. But, not today.
Right now, I’m making mac and cheese from scratch. In the middle of cleaning a cupboard, I decided to do this. It’s the middle of the afternoon and I have no appetite. I haven’t eaten lunch yet. But, the mac and cheese sound good, so maybe by the time it’s done, I will have the desire to eat it.
Today, I’ve also sewn some market bags and taken photos of a large hawk who is perched in a tree across the coulee. I’ve gone from one thing to another looking for satisfaction but so far haven’t found it.
I’m just not in the mood to write. Maybe, I’m not in the mood to do anything but curl up on the couch with my book and cup of tea. and wait for these viral symptoms to be over. Waiting is hard, not having energy is hard, not being able to go about my daily business is hard. Soon, I hope I’ll be in a better mood and can think of something more exciting to do and write about.
Right now, I’ll just eat my mac and cheese, as I listen to the rain as it just starts to fall.