Yesterday, one of my blog readers responded to my post that she thought I needed to give myself some Grace. As I read her comment, I stopped to think. Her words really resonated with me. But, the question is: how do I do this?
I push hard. In almost all situations, I set high expectations for myself and in turn, expect others to do the same. But, a problem arises when my expectations are not the same as other people. Or, frustration ensues if I do not see the same effort coming from others that I would put forth myself. Fortunately, I have found that sometimes one can brush off the expectations of others when they are not directly tied to yours. So, the disparity doesn’t cause a conundrum. However, when your expectations depart from those of other family members, it is harder to digest. Usually, it makes me push harder and stronger. But, what if your loved ones are putting forth a huge amount of effort in an area that you might not. And, you think their time and effort should be spent elsewhere – if even if it is for the time being or short term.
Right now, most of life is outside of our control. We can only assemble tiny vestiges of past normalcy. I know that and am accepting it. Still, at many, many times in my life I’ve been told – give yourself a break, don’t be so hard on yourself, stop being a perfectionist. Really, if I were to be brutally honest with myself, now is no different for me. It is my personality – for both good and bad.
So when my blog reader told me to give myself some Grace, it resonated with me.
True to form, I read several (4-5 articles) on this very topic last night. It sounds good – giving myself some self-care, forgiveness, and less than perfect expectations. But, still – how can I reasonably do this?
I do not think it will be easy but I went to bed with a resolve that I NEED to give myself some GRACE. When I awoke with insomnia, I counted my blessings. A warm bed, a loving husband, a house big enough that we are not tripping over each other during the Safer At Home orders, enough food, and my sons – all healthy and home with us. Really, what more is there?
I stepped back from myself enough to realize that what I think does not have to be what is done. I stepped back enough to know that I have to start reframing what is valued. I need to look at the big picture, not worry about all those little things that nag at me over and over. The fact is life is changing, right now, as we live and breathe it. Things will be different after this.
And, you know what? I think that’s okay. Really, it’s probably about time we were all shaken up a bit. I’d like to extend more grace to myself. It’s time.
So, again, How? How do I give myself Grace? How do you give yourself Grace?
Today, I went on a four-mile hike with my husband. It was sunny and warm. I reveled in being outside in nature with someone I love. We laughed. We walked. We enjoyed each other.
I’d say that’s a pretty good start.
I deeply feel you. Grace is something my brain ABSOLUTELY knows I need. My heart is not always along for the ride.
So…some days, I’m kind of good at it. I realize that I’m a human person with strengths and not-strengths and limits.
Other days it’s really, really, really hard. When giving myself grace feels like a lack of motivation, or a lack of discipline or a lack of…anything and everything, I suppose.
So yes. I understand where you’re coming from, and I’m glad and grateful that you were able to find a few moments of grace in this crazy upside-down time.
It does sound like you are off to a great start. I suffer from this disease of high expectations, which is often followed by a high level of disappointment (in others, but mostly with myself). I think it is important to have these expectations. This is what keeps us learning and growing and pushing toward something better, but your blog friend is right, you should allow yourself some grace….especially during these complicated times.