It Finally Appeared.

What appeared you might ask?

Anger. I answer.

What are you angry about? You inquire further.

I answer that I suppose I am angry about many things right now. But, last night I was sent over the edge.

We discovered that some of our window sills are rotten at our house.  They are a high-end window from a company with a great reputation, chosen and installed by the people and contractors who owned this house before us.  They owned it for a very short time – six months before selling to us and building another house less than a half-mile away.

As with any home, you notice things after the newness wears off. Some of the things we have noticed include:

• odd angles and corners in rooms that serve no purpose
• unlevel surfaces and walls
• a driveway apron and sidewalk that has heaved under heavy frosts
• cheap bathroom components (tub, shower)
• uneven retaining walls
• a well that ran dry (wasn’t dug deep enough)
• and windows with wooden sills that were never sealed with a waterproof finish

We’ve lived here since 2007. During the span of years that have passed, we have put in new kitchen counters and a sink (2010), re-sided the house (2018), dug a new well (2019), ripped down and installed new and additional retaining walls, completely renovated one bathroom (2015), painted all the rooms at least twice, ripped up the carpet in our lower level to install hardwood laminate flooring, and moved the driveway from one side of the lot to the other and then had it paved.

We’ve also built a barn (which serves as my husband’s woodshop), planted over 30 fruit trees) and bordered all the garden beds with either brick or stone. This is not to mention all the plants that are bought each year and cared for with love.

In other words, we’ve done a lot. And, admittedly, we have a nice property. But, rotted window sills? It just makes me mad.

I am mad at the contractor who built the house and feel that he cut unnecessary corners.

I am mad at the people who originally owned the house.

I am mad they apparently did not finish the windows with an appropriate product.

I am mad at us that we did not “see” some of the short cuts that were taken when this house was built.

I am mad the sill is rotted.

I am mad we will have to address this.

I am mad that it is yet another unplanned project we have to spend time and money on fixing.

I am mad at my husband for wanting to fix it immediately. I know this is irrational, but it is the way I feel. This morning, like a dog with a bone, he is going from window to window on the outside of the house, cleaning and inspecting each sill. It is stressing me.

Why? I am really mad at the pandemic, for the stress it is causing us all. The stress of upturned lives, unknown educational system decisions, the polarization masking has caused, the social injustices, the unemployment, and ultimately, the basic feeling of “not knowing” what the future holds. I know that this project would not bother me at all if there were not the other stressors of living right now.

I know I am fortunate, very fortunate, to have a husband that is able and willing to fix things around our house. I am grateful we have the means to fix things immediately, too.

Still, even though I am grateful, I am mad. I am human, after all. I have done a decent job of holding my anger in check over the last four months. I know my anger is being projected onto the window sills. I know I need to focus on the good and not the bad. So, I had a cup of coffee with a little dark chocolate as a treat and my spirits are up. My husband reports he has only found one other window in which the sill has rotted.  That is a very good thing. I am grateful he is checking.

My anger has abated, at least over the pretense of the windows.

As far as the pandemic, I have to remember that this too will pass.