I Used to be An Interesting Person…Am I Still?

It is Poetry Friday. Our host is the incredibly talented and creative Tracey Kiff-Judson at her blog, Tangles and Tales. Please visit her blog after you read my post for more language-inspired musings. Thanks for hosting, Tracey! It is good to know what you have been up to.

Today is my birthday. I am sixty-three. I woke up to best wishes from close friends and family. I feel loved. I’ll have cheesecake with raspberries and a glass of wine and be happy. I have a great life, and I’m thankful for it.

But I feel lost, too. I feel like part of me is gone, and I don’t know if I’ll get it back. This isn’t a birthday thing, per se; I’ve been feeling like this for a while. This morning, however, I feel more emotional about it for some reason.

I Used to Be…

I used to be able to command attention in a conversation—

no more.

I used to be able to speak at state-wide conferences as an “expert” in my field. I even spoke at one international conference (it was held in Council Bluffs, Iowa, of all places).

That is in the past.

I used to teach groups of students, both large and small, up to thirty-two at a time, twice a month.

The height of my involvement.

I used to teach at the university level – being part of the faculty at two different institutions

A long time ago.

I used to have high school students volunteer to spend time with my group – soaking in things I was saying or role modeling how I taught elementary students about our Earth, shaping future stewards.

I miss students.

I used to have teachers who respected my opinions, thoughts, ideas, and involvement.

I miss the teachers I knew, those who trusted me and what I knew.

I used to provide community education to those who wanted to hear what I said about conservation topics.

Monarchs, forests, prairies, bats, life cycles, and more…

I used to be able to talk…

And be listened to.

© Unfinished Draft, Carol Labuzzetta, 2026

The one thing that’s been difficult for more than a decade has been conversations, especially those that take place in a group of two or more couples. I feel lost. My dialogue is interrupted. People look away when I talk. They act like they cannot get away from me fast enough. There is little response to what I offer to the conversation, if I can even get a word in edgewise. The subject is changed. This happens with friends as well as strangers.

Part of this, I know, is that I have odd interests, those that are difficult to share – writing, jewelry making, crocheting, gardening. I know most of those are not all that hard to ask about, but one has to know something about me before investing with more questions.

On our recent cruise, I experienced this again. A table of eight made it hard to converse. One or two of these people were good conversationalists, meaning they listened and asked questions. The others, I am not sure about. I got some odd responses when I shared things like our hill restoration project. It’s okay. Most of these people I won’t see again. But still, it made me feel like I didn’t matter or was on the fringe or wasn’t interesting.

Part of the problem is that I don’t brag or boast. I didn’t share any photos until the last night of our cruise – while others were sharing all the time. Why? I don’t know. But when I decided to finally share a photo, I got an odd response. This response was reinforcing – but not in a positive way. Don’t share. Don’t boast.

I miss being interesting or at least holding the interest of those I talk with. I hope this is not behind me.

I am working on finding my tribe. I’ve been working on it for a while. Living rurally has not helped me in this respect. But now that I’ve found a good fit for volunteering, I feel valued in that respect. It’s a start.

Am I still interesting, I ask myself? I hope so because I feel like I’m not. It’s definitely something that is bothering me – and a birthday is a perfect time to reflect.

I’ve bought a book on conversations. I hope it helps.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I know I am not alone.

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I hope that our country receives a positive change with the mid-term elections. I hope that voter turnout is huge. I hope for a lot of things.

Take care and be well,

Carol